Idaho Parents Unlimited, Inc.

Effective Communication

Effective communication skills are the most powerful tool a person can bring to any social or professional situation, enabling people to better understand each other and thereby creating a more productive, creative, and accepting environment.

There are two basic components to good communication:

• You listen to and acknowledge another person’s thoughts and feelings, trying to understand their point of view.
• You express your own thoughts and feelings openly and directly.

There are basically 3 styles of communication:

• Passive communication involves the inability or unwillingness to express thoughts and feelings.
• Assertivebehavior involves standing up for oneself, saying what you think, and standing up for your beliefs without hurting others.
• Aggressive Aggressive communication involves overreaction, blaming, and criticizing, without considering the rights of others.

There are two types of messages that accompany each style of communication:

• Verbal. This is the words you exchange
• Non Verbal.This reinforces (or contradicts) what is being said, and involves posture, body movement, dress, facial expressions, and gestures.

To communicate effectively and assertively, practice using these interpersonal communication skills:

• I-statements help you express the way you feel and what you want with great clarity.
• There are 3 steps in using I-messages:
  • A description of the behavior that is a problem
  • A description of the feeling this behavior causes you
  • A description of the effects produced by the behavior
• For Example:
• You messages: You just tracked mud all over my clean floor! I just mopped that floor! You are such a slob!
• I- message: When I see mud tracked into my clean kitchen I get irritated because I have to clean it up all over again.
• A respectful tone of voice conveys that you are taking others seriously and that you also expect to be taken seriously
• Eye contact is a way of showing you are paying attention, although disability and cultural differences need to be considered
• Appropriate body language encourages conversation. Nodding your head, smiling, laughing, using words such as “uh-huh” and asking questions at appropriate times assures the person that you are really listening.
• Clearly organized ideas help you to describe your feelings and concerns and to contribute effectively to conversations and decisions that need to be made.
• Validating the other person’s feelings without agreeing or disagreeing by:
• Acknowledging. Nod your head or saying “I see.”
• Asking Questions Closed-ended ones will get you a yes or no answer. (Do you understand?)
  Direct ones will get specific information. (What brings you here today?)
  Open-ended ones encourage the sharing of more extensive information or may move one beyond anger into a more active, problem-solving mode. (How is that important to you?)
• Listening reflectively by repeating back to a person what you heard them say.

But keep in mind, too, four other principles of interpersonal communication:

• Communication is inescapable. You can’t be with people and not communicate. Even not talking communicates something
• Communication is irreversible. You can’t take back something, once you have said it.
• Communication is complicated. Words have no inherent meaning; we use them in certain ways, but no two people use the same word exactly alike. Also, theorists note that whenever we communicate there are really at least six “people” involved: 1) who you think you are; 2) who you think the other person is; 3) who you think the other person thinks you are; 4) who the other person thinks he/she is; 5) who the other person thinks you are; and 6) who the other person thinks you think s/he is.
• Communication is contextual—it depends on location, and on the relationship between the communicators.

Things To Avoid:

• Jumping to Conclusions
• Rushing to judgement
• Speaking those judgements
• Giving unwanted advice
• Moving prematurely to problem solving